A "Proper" Goodnight

This short clip from the Gilmore Girls (pre Rory leaving Stars Hollow, the show ending, etc.) demonstrates a "proper" goodnight. Oh, and quick heads up. The definition of proper has changed from "nice gentleman kisses your cheek at the doorstep" to "hot college guy climbs through your dorm room window to make out."

Ctrl Alt Sleep

Say goodnight to your ... computer? The thought hadn't occurred to me until I saw this girl's computer screen, complete with that weird-looking, sleepy green creature and "Good Night!" Post-It note. But I do have a bedtime ritual with my laptop. Each night, I remove it from my bedside, where I've had it propped up using books and my desk chair, and put it back on my desk. Then I have to exit out of most of my programs (save Itunes if I'm listening to my "falling asleep" playlist) because my four-year-old HP just can't handle all that overnight. Finally, I close the cover, lovingly swiping off any leftover dust or crumbs, and head to bed.

Security Piglet Pt. 2 - Find Your Own

After writing about my personal attachment to Pig Face, I realized that I probably left my companion-less readers feeling slightly deprived. If you want a bedtime buddy of your very own to say goodnight to, check out these options. They may not have the wear and care (and by that, I mean dirt and sewed fabric) that old Pig Face does, but give it some time.

1. Bedtime Care Bear – According to FreeBears.com, Bedtime bear’s mission is to help people get a good night’s sleep. He’s the one who’s there to give you a goodnight hug and make sure you have sweet dreams when you finally do fall asleep. You can buy Bedtime Bear for $18.99 from FreeBears, or you can get one of his other Care Bear friends from Target. The prices range between $12.99 and $24.99 depending on the sizes.

2. A Build-A-Bear – Yes, we’ve been inspired by our friends at Bear Building. Build-A-Bear offers not only the traditional teddy, but other furry friends, such as dogs, kitties, polar bears, and dinosaurs. And, they offer clothing, such as pajamas and robes, as well as accessories, such as slippers and sleeping bags, so you can make sure your companion gets a good night’s sleep too. Check out the Build-A-Bear website to buy a bedtime buddy or to buy new accessories for an old friend.

3. Raggedy Ann and Andy – My mom claims she used to sleep with her Raggedy Ann and Andy every night as a kid, with their heads pressed up underneath her chin. Her siblings teased her, saying the house could catch fire and Raggedy Ann and Andy might not make it out. Now, they’re a bit more old-fashioned of a bedtime companion, but that doesn’t mean they’re any less lovable or comforting to sleep with. Check out Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy’s website if you’re interested (prices range between $15 and $32).

Security Piglet Pt. 1 - My Bedtime Baby

I christened her “Baby” when I first got her. Then, when I was two years old, our household underwent a dramatic change. A new, slightly less pigheaded baby came to town. My brother Sean never realized the havoc he wreaked. Forced to rename my cherished childhood companion, I chose what any toddler would: Pig Face.

Yes, you heard right. I chose Pig Face, not Miss Piggy from the Muppets as you might have assumed. Unfortunately, I can’t recall my reasoning for this choice, but I’m quite impressed with my two-year-old self. She looks like a baby, except that she has a pig face. Genius. The more practical explanation, I suppose, is that we didn’t have a TV, let alone cable, in our household until I was in kindergarten. I probably had no idea who Missy Piggy was.

The result was all the same. Pig Face became my bedtime companion – from childhood to adolescence to college. Now, I’m not one of those fanatic security-blanket types. I’ve spent nights without her. In fact, I didn’t even bring her to London last spring for fear that something would happen to her. But still, I like knowing I have one person I will always say goodnight to, night after night, year after year.

My "Falling Asleep" Playlist

Technically speaking, these are the last people that say goodnight to me every night:

1. Bob Dylan - Tangled Up in Blue, Shelter from the Storm, Buckets of Rain

2. Coldplay - The Scientist, 'Till Kingdom Come, I'll See You Soon

3. Elliott Smith -Miss Misery, Sweet Adeline, Pictures of Me

4. Jose Gonzales - Love Will Tear Us Apart (Joy Division cover)

5. Oasis - Wonderwall, Don't Look Back in Anger

6. Radiohead - True Love Waits, Motion Picture Soundtrack

7. Sufjan Stevens - Chicago, Casimir Pulaski Day, To Be Alone With You

8. U2 - Where the Streets Have No Name, With or Without You

The Sirens' Lullaby

In celebration of the Coen brothers coming out with a new movie (go see No Country if you haven't already), today's post features a goodnight video clip from O Brother, Where Art Thou? And, for the record, I wouldn't be averse to the sirens, no matter how dangerous, lulling me to sleep with this hauntingly beautiful melody. The song is just that good.

Best Bedtime Books

When I was younger, my mom used to read me books each night. And when I started to grow up, I would read some of these same books to my younger brothers each night. Sometimes we’d be in tents, sometimes we’d be in hotel rooms, sometimes we’d be cuddled in bed – it didn’t really matter. When I think of reading bedtime stories aloud to little kids and tucking them into bed, there are a few kids’ books that come immediately to mind. You know, the classics. The books that still, at age 21, you’d love for someone to read you aloud at night.

1. Where the Wild Things Are, Maurice Sendak

This story describes the imaginary adventures of Max, who’s angry after being sent to bed without supper (which seems like bad parenting in retrospect). In his adventures, he wears a wolf suit and encounters these great, vicious-looking creatures that “gnash their terrible teeth and roar their terrible roars.”

2. Goodnight Moon, Margaret Wise Brown

The story, probably the most famous on my list, shows a child saying goodnight all the objects around a room, including a light, red balloon, and cow jumping over the moon. They even have a Goodnight Moon game for kids to play now.

3. Make Way for Ducklings, Robert McCloskey

A pair of mallard ducks decides to raise their family on an island in the lagoon in Boston Public Garden. I can vividly remember really wanting to have pet ducklings after my mom would read this to me, in the same way that I always wanted pet penguins after reading Mr. Popper’s Penguins.

4. Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, Virginia Lee Burton

Threatened by competition from modern shovels, Mike proves the worth of his trusty old steam shovel, Mary Anne. The best picture in the book is the last one, where Mike sits smoking his pipe with Mary Anne by his side.

5. The Tomten, Astrid Lindgren

This tells the Swedish tale of the tomten, a gnome-like creature that stands watch while the rest of the world is sleeping. Even now, I still like to imagine that a tomten creeps around our house at night, watching over our woods and cats.

A Pokemon Goodnight

Today's guest blogger is my 17-year-old brother, Devin.

In the real world, people fall asleep to bedtime stories, but in the world of Pokémon, they fall asleep differently. In this place, people of all ages work hard to catch and train animals called Pokémon. All Pokémon have different weakness, strengths, and abilities. Some Pokémon have the ability to put huge crowds to sleep.

At any time of day, people may fall asleep due to the presence of Jigglypuff, a pink circular-shaped Pokémon who puts people to sleep when she sings. Often, people are walking happily through the city when suddenly a Jigglypuff appears and begins to sing. People try to run away, but Jigglypuff starts singing with her microphone; everyone becomes sleepy and eventually fall to the ground. After Jigglypuff is done singing, she becomes angry because no one is still awake to hear her sing, so she takes the bottom off her microphone, which reveals a marker tip. She proceeds to draw X’s and O’s on the crowd’s faces. By the time they wake up, Jigglypuff has disappeared. Her song consistes of the word "Jigglypuff" sung over and over, which can be seen in this video.

Send Me a Postcard

If text messaging or phone calls just aren't cutting it, you can send a "postcard" through email to wish your friend, family member, or significant other goodnight. They have 14 different nighttime images, with your choice of different lyrics, poems, and background colors. And, of course, the best part is it doesn't cost a cent.

Bald is Beautiful

At first glance, I thought this "Kiss Goodnight" T-shirt from Threadless T-Shirts was adorable. Sure, it simultaneously evoked fond memories of my father tucking me into bed as a little kid and my first boyfriend kissing me goodnight (Freud would have a field day), but surely still worth buying. Navy blue matches my coloring. The silhouettes are beautiful. And did I mention it's only five dollars?

Then I read the user comments. "Sure, bald is beautiful...but it's just sad on a little kid," comments becks5. "Yeah, I think the guy needs some hair, he reminds me of E.T.," responds MadAshGar. Suddenly, all I can picture when I look at the shirt is E.T. waddling around saying "phone home, phone home" to a young Drew Barrymore. And speaking of young girls ...

"Adorable, but why is the girl's mouth wide open?" writes fluffysam. "Hmmm...what rhymes with schmorgasm," agrees sinistersipps. I don't even bother with the 30-something other comments and exit out of the window. So much for my sweet goodnight tee.

Goodnight, roommate

At first, I was slightly disturbed by this photo. What kind of parent puts their child to bed by leaving him a carton of Dreamerz, an all-natural sleep aid, on his pillow? Then I read the tag underneath: "Saying goodnight to my roommate Vincent." Much better. I typically don't read bedtime stories to my roommates or leave them cartons of Dreamerz (they're vegans), but this picture has inspired me.

Best Goodnight Painting: Starry Night

Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night wins my award for best nighttime painting. It also evokes a memory that I hope all my 20-something readers out there will remember - a scene from Boy Meets World in which Topanga asks Corey what the meaning of Van Gogh's painting is. "I see an attack," he says, to Topanga's astonishment. "An attack from another world." Now despite Corey's immaturity (c'mon, everyone knows Shawn was the best male character), Topanga gives a beautiful interpretation of the painting.

"God is protecting the people in this little town," she says. "They live their lives, and they come out of their houses. They see the sky, and they know God’s protection and love, and that everything will be alright." I just love that idea. That in some way the nighttime stars are God protecting - and saying goodnight - to the villagers below.

Signing Off

Each news anchor has a distinct way of ending his or her news broadcasts. Just picture Ron Burgundy’s “Stay classy, San Diego” (and Veronica Corningstone’s competing “Thanks for stopping by”) if you’re unsure of what I’m talking about. Here are three famous CBS news anchors and their well-known ways of saying goodnight to the American public.

1. Walter Cronkite – “And that’s the way it is”

Cronkite was the anchor of The CBS Evening News from 1962-1981. Most viewer opinion polls during the 70s and 80s referred to him as the “Most Trusted Man in America.” He ended his news segments with “And that’s the way it is,” followed by the date, every night.

2. Dan Rather – “That’s part of our world tonight”

Rather succeeded Cronkite as anchor and managing editor of The CBS Evening News in 1981. Rather had a different style of reporting the news than Cronkite, and for a while, he searched to find a suitable sign-off. For a week or so during the mid-1980s, he ended his broadcasts with the word “courage,” which he was mocked for. Eventually, he began using the phrase “And that’s part of our world tonight,” which stuck for nearly two decades.

3. Edward R. Murrow – “Good night, and good luck”

Murrow was an American journalist who achieved celebrity status as a result of his war reports during World War II. In 1940, during German’s bombing raids, Londoners who normally ended their conversations with “so long” began saying “so long, and good luck.” At the end of the year, future British monarch Princess Elizabeth ended her live radio address with “good night, and good luck to you all.”

So, at the end of one of his own broadcasts, Murrow ended his segment with “Good night, and good luck.” This soon became Murrow’s catch phrase, and has recently gained fame in the 2005 Oscar-nominated film Good Night, and Good Luck. The phrase has also been used by MSNBC’s anchor Keith Olbermann on his nightly news program, Countdown.

Around the Campfire

Every summer, my family takes trips to our camp on Goose Bay, an inlet along the St. Lawrence River near Alexandria Bay. As I’ve grown older and become busier, I appreciate the relaxing weeks I spend there more and more.

On the hot days, we pile into motorboats and ride to islands, where we sprawl out on the warm rocks before plunging into the freezing river water. When we return to camp, everyone lies in our field and snacks on chips and salsa. As the surrounding trees’ shadows overtake the field, everyone strategically maneuvers their chair or towel to sit in the remaining patches of sunlight.

After dinner, everyone huddles around the campfire. Sometimes we play guessing games. My uncle Kevin, for instance, always comes up with bizarre riddles that the rest of the family tries to solve. Other times my brother Sean brings out his guitar and plays some Dylan. Over voices and laughter constantly overlap with one another.

The goodnights come in predictable stages. Around 9 o’clock each night, my grandparents head to bed. It doesn’t take much longer for the married couples, like my parents and aunts and uncles to complain about how late it is (mind you, this is around 10 o’clock) and head to their cabins and tents. The last people sitting around the fire are always the group of teenagers and 20-somethings.

We sit around the fire, talking and laughing, until nothing but glowing embers are left. My brother dumps a pail of water in the pit. We listen to the ashes sizzle into lifelessness. After that, we ransack the community cabin for food and drinks before trudging through the dewy field to our huge, 8-person tent.

And there, curled up next to each under layers of blankets and sleeping bags, we say goodnight before drifting to sleep.

Bedtime, Interrupted

One man's nighttime ritual of saying goodnight to inanimate objects around his room gets interrupted when he finds a surprise guest in his bed.

Let Me Count the Ways

How to say "Good night" in 240 different languages

Acateco (San Miguel Acatán Guatemala)  Watx' mi q'ejb'i hawu?
Acateco (San Miguel Acatán Guatemala)  Watx'
Afrikaans (Southern Africa)            Goeienag
Ainu [Saru dialect] (Japan)            Apunno sini yan
Aklanon (Philippines)                  Mayad-ayad nga gabi-i
Albanian (Albania, Yugoslavia)         Natën e mirë
Apinagé (Brazil)                       Nêramuclí
Arabic (North Africa, Middle East)     Masaa al-khair
Arabic (Egypt)                         Messa el rir
Arabic (Egypt) [to a man]              TisbaH 'ala kher

For the other 230 languages ...

Verily, I Say Thee Goodnight!

Today's guest blogger is my father, Bill Sweeney.

All of my kids were different. My oldest, Shannon, needed to be held and sung to. I remember summers camping when she was a baby. I would walk around in the field near Goose Bay with her slung over my shoulders as the rest of the family wondered why they were being treated to Christmas Carrols in July. They were easy song lyrics to remember and seemed more soothing to my daughter than an AC/DC melody.

My son Sean needed to eat yogurt as a toddler through the bars of the crib -- a veritable condemned felon getting his last meal. After the meal, I would cradle his head with one hand, and stroke his hair with the other until he fell asleep sitting up. Maneuvering his pudgy little legs, as well as my two arms through the bars of the crib to lay him down without waking him up was a feat that even Houdini would have respected.

My third child, Devin, was easy. He fell asleep on the couch often and sometimes slept there until morning. I’ll always love him for that.

The there was the baby, Bryan, now 13 years old. As Dickens would say: “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.” He had horrible colic and only slept through the night twice in the first two years of his life – a life that only God spared from the many times I felt like tossing him off our upstairs balcony as he screamed and would not fall asleep. And speaking of God, I know it sounds blasphemous, but it takes two gods to put him to bed now.

Bryan and I have bonded over comic books. He’s fascinated with my extensive collection of The Might Thor, the Norse god of thunder. He knows the mythology, pronounces Thor’s hammer mjolnir (pronounced me-yawl-ner) flawlessly, and always begs for me to read him more than one comic each night. After a dramatic reading where Thor battles his evil brother Loki, the flame demon Surter, or even the awesome menace of the dreaded Celestials, we turn the light off and snuggle cozily in his (actually my daughter Shannon’s) bed. Then we say night prayers and both pray and ask God to watch over our family and those close to us…and it’s funny how a calming and centering moment for your children actually becomes one for you as an adult too.

Writings on the Wall

A constant battle rages about graffiti, the words and drawings scribbled on many city building walls and subways (Syracuse included). Many, including public officials, consider it vandalism, the illegal defacing of public and private property. They think of graffiti artists as punk kids trying to get attention by making a mess. But I like to think of graffiti artists as just that – artists. Many of them feel like they don’t have a voice within their community, and these pictures and words serve as a way to make their words heard. Artists also rarely know who sees their pictures or reads their words.

Photos: Artists saying goodnight to those who pass by.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

I knew I had to post this picture the second I found it. I thought the idea of a dog saying goodnight with a little boy, rather than a little boy saying goodnight to the dog, was really cool, but I was also surprised by it. As someone coming from a household with cats, it never occurred to me that pets could have any sort of positive and affectionate involvement in a bedtime ritual.

Since cats are nocturnal, it’s an entirely different ballgame. While you try and catch up on sleep after a long week’s worth of work, they leap around the house, knocking over all manner of things – half-filled glasses of juice, cereal boxes, lamps, you name it. After they get bored with that, they rustle around with anything they can find on the floor – plastic bags, dish towels, the cereal box they already succeeded in knocking over, etc.

And, when they finally give up, exhausted from all the chaos and mayhem they've already inflicted on the house, it’s only to curl up at your feet and claw your unsuspecting toes every time you so much as flinch. No wonder cats were slighted the “man’s best friend” endearment.

The Goodnight Kiwi

This animated short about a character called the Goodnight Kiwi, and his companion called ‘The Cat,’ was used to signal the end of nightly broadcasts on Television New Zealand channels before 24-hour TV. It aired from 1980/81 until October 19, 1994, when TV2 began 24-hour broadcasting.

And now I’ll answer the questions you all have been dying to know, but too shy to ask. Yes, we are talking about the flightless bird, not the fruit. Yes, a flightless bird was actually in charge of shutting down Television New Zealand broadcasting each night. And no, the lumpy brown fruit couldn’t have done the job better.

Sleep by Number

If you thought there was only one way to tuck your child into bed at night, think again. The book 365 Ways to Say Goodnight (written by Susan Ring, illustrated by Sally Vitsky) is a novelty, folk-art style nighttime book that features an activity for each night of the year. The activities, which range from lullabies to myths to poetry to trivia, are designed to become a special part of the bedtime ritual that parents and children share with each other every night.

'Till the Break of Dawn

My three younger brothers and I went through a phase this summer, a phase where we happily skipped over the bedtime ritual altogether. Instead of saying goodnight to one another each night, we’d stay up till about 6 or 7 a.m. and say good morning to each other before getting into bed (or piling onto our living room floor, to be more accurate). Needless to say, my father was always horrified to find my 13-year-old brother, Bryan, still awake when he woke up for work each morning. My mother, it appears, was less than appalled. She went around taking dozens of photos of us sleeping throughout the morning and afternoons.

You Lethargic Lamb

I stumbled upon this Facebook group dedicated to Alicia Jill Harms (College of the Ozarks, NE) last night. Who is Alicia Jill Harms you may ask? Oh I have no idea.

What’s noteworthy is the way that Alicia says goodnight. According to her friends, her nighttime texts include endearments such as “sleepy salamander,” “drowsy deer,” and “cuddly cucumber.” Now, I’m all for goodnight creativity. And, in my opinion, this takes your grandparents’ “later alligator” and “in a while crocodile” to a whole new level. But I must admit I find a few things about her phrases rather alarming.

To begin with, whereas I previously thought salamanders didn't exist in the dusty plains of Nebraska, I'm now led to believe that so many of them run rampant across the state that they've warranted their own goodnight saying. Perhaps I am just misinformed about Nebraska’s wildlife. Beyond that, I’m also intrigued as to how cucumbers became elevated to such high cult status in Nebraska. I had always associated them with phallic symbols that you probably wouldn’t want to couple with words such as ‘cuddly.’ Silly me.

Maybe “goodnight, you cuddly cornhusk” and “until morning my drowsy dust bowl” would have been more apropos?

Best Lullaby: Hush Little Baby

Most parents sing their children lullabies when putting them to bed, and mine were no exception. Well, except for my mother that is. She couldn't carry a tune if someone held a gun to her head. So my best recollection of my favorite lullaby, Hush Little Baby, actually comes from my grandmother instead. When I was eight or nine years old, and my parents would go out to dinner and a movie, my grandma would come over to babysit us. She would cradle my youngest brother Bryan, then only an infant, and sing these lyrics:

Hush, little baby, don't say a word

Papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird

If that mocking bird don't sing

Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring

If that diamond ring turns brass,

Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass

If that looking glass gets broke

Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat

If that billy goat won't pull,

Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull

If that cart and bull turn over,

Papa's gonna buy you a dog named rover

If that dog named rover don't bark,

Papa's gonna buy a horse and cart

If that horse and cart fall down,

You'll still be the sweetest baby in town

So Long, Farewell

Any musical theater major can guess what's coming just by the title of this post. Yes, just as you suspected. It's a clip from Famous Movie about A Big Singing Family (Interspersed with Some Nazis), in which the parents, as so often happens nowadays, make their children sing and dance in front of party guests before going to bed. Notable performances by the young boy (his name's slipped my mind, but you'll recognize him by the fetching shorts and just-as-enticing knee-high socks) when he switches to falsetto and Liesl (it's easier to remember names when you're not distracted by attire) when she begs her father to stay and "taste her first champagne." Nice try, Liesl.

Oh, and if your roommates are nearby, you better crank up the volume. Blog rules.

Lost In Translation

Saying goodnight to Shakespeare's sweet Prince in Japanese could take until the morning

Deborah Cameron
The Sydney Morning Herald
June 3, 2006

For the past three months, Tokyo's finest Shakespearean theatre company has been rehearsing a version of Macbeth which, the director swears, is a word-for-word translation. He is probably wrong.

If he were correct, the audience in Japan would get to the three-hour mark, a normal limit, and still have hours to go. Double, double, toil and trouble, indeed.

"So you have to cut Shakespeare down," says one of the country's most eminent translators. The Bard confounds translators everywhere. Getting a work from old English into contemporary speech is hard enough, but it is as nothing to the challenge of translating old English into Japanese.

Professor Edward Seidensticker, an American sometimes described as "the best translator of Japanese that has ever lived" reflected on the impossibility of the task in The East, a Tokyo magazine. For example, the line at the end of Hamlet: "Good night, sweet Prince, and flights of angels see thee to thy rest."

"It is an utterly simple line and I think it is a very, very beautiful line," Seidensticker said. "It contains 15 syllables in English. I have looked at all the main translations into Japanese and they all contain at least three times that number of syllables."

In the time that it takes to say "Good night, sweet Prince" the audience, tragically, would have nodded off.

Read more ...

16th Times the Charm

Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Discovery caught this view of the sun setting behind Earth on July 15^th of last year. Orbital sunsets and sunrises occur approximately once very 90 minutes, which is how long it takes manned spacecraft to orbit once around Earth. I've hopefully convinced you that there's more than one way to say goodnight, but what about more than one time to say goodnight? If orbital sunrises and sunsets occur every 90 minutes, that means there are 16 different times during a 24-hour day that astronauts could say goodnight or good morning to each other. Something tells me the novelty might wear off after the first, oh, 3 or so.

Off-line

Some people put great thought and deliberation into their AIM goodnight away messages, and for those of us who stay up until all hours of the night and procrastinate by obsessively rechecking them, the thought is appreciated. But others, as I’ve learned, opt for corny, cheesy, or altogether uncreative messages to bid the online world adieu. This kind of thing, when read during a break from paper writing at 4 a.m., can be the death of you. Really, I’d take the loathsome, tells-you-nothing “I am away from my computer right now” rather than one of these beauties any day.

1. IT’S NOT SIZE THAT MATTERS, IT’S THE SHAPE

So tired I could fall asleep on this very keyahsdfkfddddddd

Come on, now. Everyone knows that even when you fall asleep on your laptop (been there, done that), the pressure of your big, round head makes a jumble of letters, not one single repeated letter. Unless, of course, you are a Conehead, in which case, dddddddd away.

2. THE ‘S’ IN LSD STANDS FOR SLEEP

I am currently analyzing the patterns of light as they permeate the membranes of my eyelids to learn the meaning of life.

First reaction: Say what? Second reaction: No, really, say what? Not only does this away message strike me as excessively uncreative, but if my mother got on AIM, she’d probably spend the night worrying that her smart, wonderful daughter (her words, not mine) just dropped acid for the first time.

3. WHAT A TEASE

I'm holding my ear up to my pillow, and closing my eyes to see if I can hear the ocean. I will probably be doing this until morning, so leave a message.

As Syracusans in the end of November, we naturally gravitate to the word ocean. Picturesque images of warm sand, crashing waves, and tanned bodies immediately swirl about in our heads. Oh, wait. False alarm, folks. It’s just a crazy college student pressing a pile of feathers up to a random body part. Better luck next time.

4. DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB

Sweet dreams are made of sleep. Who am I to disagree?

If you want to use lyrics to signify sleep, stick with the actual lyrics, rather than trying to create some clever half-lyric, half-innovative hybrid. Oh, that and pick something better to reference than a bad 80s single that’s rumored to be about mad cow disease.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Today's guest blogger is my mother, Janine DeBaise.

At Mount Saviour, a Benedictine monastery high in the hills above the Chemung River, the monks say goodnight to their guests with Compline, the last prayer service of the day.

The bells on the chapel ring just before 8:15 p.m. Guests enter the chapel through the four doors that face north, south, east, and west. The monks, gathered in a semi-circle, wear their dark robes. One monk lights the candles and switches off the electric light. Brother Pierre plays the harp as the monks sing and chant in the semi-darkness.

At the very end of this short service, guests follow the monks down a long stone staircase into the crypt below the chapel. The monks gather around a 14th century stone statue of a young woman holding a baby. Votive candles, hundreds of them, fill the stone altar. The prior sprinkles the monks and their guests with holy water as they sing one last song. Then in silence, everyone waits, staring quietly into the candlelight, as one monk climbs the stone stairs and rings the bell at the roof of the chapel.

On a windless night, people in the town below the monastery can hear the chiming of the bell, and know that the monks are saying good night.

There Are Some Things Money Can't Buy

I'm not sure if this is an actual banned Mastercard commercial or just a parody, but either way, it's priceless.

Goodnight and Goodbye

Bugle taps were never intended as a funeral ballad. Instead, the long, sorrowful notes were always used as “lights out” in the military, a call for troops to end their day and start resting.

But during the Civil War, one captain, so afraid that shooting the three traditional volleys at a burial would make others think fighting had resumed, had a bugler sound taps instead. From that point onward, taps became the standard at military funerals. “Taps is universally known as an American call,” says Jeri Villaneuva, a Master Sergeant in the U.S. Air Force Band, in a History Channel documentary on the origin of taps. “You can play it anywhere in the world, and people will automatically recognize the melody.”

Probably the most notable use of taps is what took place on November 25, 1963 at Arlington National Cemetery – John F. Kennedy’s funeral. The army bugler who sounded taps that day, Keith Clark, waited three hours in the cold for the funeral procession to arrive. “The combination of very cold weather and knowing that over 20 million people are going to be listening to you are like the two worst enemies of any brass player,” says Villaneuva. “And the whole world remembers that he cracked one of the notes.”

Newspapers and magazines picked up on the cracked note, and some attributed it to overwhelming emotion. “His lip, as one put it, quivered for the nation,” says Villaneuva. “It certainly was a mistake, but the fact that it has reached almost a folklore-type status in our country is a wonderful thing. It’s like the crack in the liberty bell. It’s always going to be there.” In this way, taps have become not only a way to say goodnight, but to say goodbye.

The Shirt and Long of It

Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person goodnight. - Andy Warhol

I found this black cotton tee with pink lips on sale for $21 at Hippy Chix shop. Even if it doesn't get you kissed by the right (or wrong) person at the bars, at least you'll have something comfortable to sleep in afterwards.

Put the Rock Back in Rock-A-Bye

For my friend Drew, the phrase “goodnight kiss” meant something else entirely. Drew’s parents used to sing the ever-so-soothing lullaby Rock ‘n’ Roll All Nite by KISS to put him to bed when he was younger. The rendition was sans face paint and smoking guitars, of course, but Drew claimed the performance was just as good. “It took me until I was about 10 to realize it was an actual song,” he says. “That was when my dad had me listen to some real KISS.

But unsurprisingly, KISS’s greatest hit didn’t always lull 6-year-old Drew to sleep. His parents would tuck him in around 9 o’clock. Drew would smile and say goodnight. “It was obviously very comforting,” Drew says. “But saying goodnight was never a big thing because about an hour later, I’d walk downstairs and end up watching Letterman with them.” Rocking a child, it seems, just makes him want to party all night long.

Poetic Parenting

Practice Safe Texts

With a goodnight phone call, you run the risk of either A) waking up a cranky person who cares more about sleep than talking to you, B) sitting through a long-winded conversation with an overly chatty girlfriend, or C) muttering things in a drunken stupor that, in all likelihood, you won’t remember in the morning. Texting goodnight, on the other hand, means no crankiness or chattiness, as well as written documentation for the morning after. But if you find yourself sending any of the following excessively sappy texts, you deserve to be hit over the head with your cell phone - repeatedly.

1. THE CLINGY TEXT:

UR the reason why I have sleepless nights, UR the reason why I tend to hold my pillow tight, UR the reason I cant sleep without saying goodnight.

Seriously, could you really not sleep if you didn’t send me a goodnight text? Do you really squeeze your pillow tightly, picturing it’s me, at night? Two words of advice: Let go.

2. THE OBNOXIOUS TEXT:

I know UR sleeping so I dont want to disturb U but this "beep beep" is my sweet kiss

Not only does this win the award for most uncreative text, but the texter actually hopes the noise will wake you up. This, I believe, is why they created the “alarm only” feature on your cell phone.

3. THE DORKY TEXT:

At this moment 3.7 Millions are sleeping, 2.3 Millions are falling in love, 4.1 Million are eating & only one cute person in the whole world is reading my text....Good Night!

Any sentence that uses that many numbers should be reserved for science textbooks and tax forms. Plus, I won't even mention how many times you’d have to switch between “Abc” and “123” while typing that baby.

4. THE DOWNRIGHT CREEPY TEXT:

1 evening I will come 2 UR room, lock the door, turn off the lights, join U in bed. I’ll come closer 2 U, my lips near UR face & I’ll shout - have a gr8 night!

I don’t know about you, but the last time someone crawled into bed with me and put their lips close to my face, they wanted to do a bit more than shouting. I’d lock your door and bolt your windows.

A Word is Worth a Thousand Posts

According to dictionary.com, there's only one definition of saying goodnight. I'm about to change that.